eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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