i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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