I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
