Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
