TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
