arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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