Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
