i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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