piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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