the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
how drunk are you?
Several
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
