Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
