They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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