Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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