You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
