Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
