How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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