I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
