College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
