I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
