I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
