just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
