I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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