I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
