This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize