No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
