Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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