I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
