I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
