I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
