yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
