Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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