if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
