I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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