My cat gives me a boner
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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