I'm going to jail i love you
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
