he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
