6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
