It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize