I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
