Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
