you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
