im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
