Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
