I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
