you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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