"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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