halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
