I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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