I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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