Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
