So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
