All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
