The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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