I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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