SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just made my gag reflex go away.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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