My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
