I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
