Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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