we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
