My room smells like vodka and shame
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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