In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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