Your face is a jimmy john
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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