I think I died a long time ago.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
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