he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
