WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
