so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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