i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
