dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think a kid would responsible me up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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