Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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