I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
