just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
